Little House

Almost like a hailstorm, the rain strikes down hard on my skin. All I can hear is the echoed pounds of droplets as they hit a surface. The sound is so magnified that my ears start to hurt. I could almost feel my ears bleed as the patter pounds heavily on my ear drum. I cannot understand what message i’m suppose to decipher because I don’t know how. I start to cry because i’m confused; the noise is confusing. The constant noise of patter confuses me with how everything shares this same haunting sound. I shut my ears hard with my fingers but the vibrations of sounds waves penetrates my skin. I shout out loud but my voice too sounds identical to the noise. I pull hard, ripping my ears for sound will do no good. Sound would only taint me with it’s constant drumming. The pounding reduces but I do not stop because I know it’ll be back. 

As I blink a droplet that splattered on my face, all I could hear was the soft pounding within. A subtle lub dub which rhythm runs smoothly like a lullaby. In a distance, the rain continues to form a symphony & I walked on.

There are many things I would have gladly categorized as happy memories if the path did not diverge from the supposed destination. Hence I live with this sinking thought that it would be much better if I had not done it after all. 

You know when people say how things feel right; just the right moment that you can’t explain with no given vocabulary. Well, there are many things I wouldn’t have done or imagined myself performing but I still did them due to this spontaneous spur (i’d like to think it that way rather than being foolish). I guess this is what makes our lives eventful. It’s almost as if our subconsciousness have the better control of us. Just as we were walking down the pebbled path, our subconsciousness tells us to explore the rocky one. 

Have you ever experienced a moment whereby you wanted so much as to commit but your insecurity and fear makes it so hard for you to say yes?

Many times I ponder on the issue of nothingness. So much so, I feel that i’m starting to fuse into this thought & become part of it. It worries me much & I feel so frustrated with my plight.

I realize how I shut off unexpectedly many times & wish that I could apply this to moments when I feel a pang of sadness. I’m burying it, but each time I lift the spade to fill more earth, it resurfaces. It’s the constant feel of failure because I wanted it so so badly but I got nothing in the end.

I keep thinking of reasons to explain these results but until I get the true reasons from the sole people who made them, I would think that my reasons are invalid. I seek a closure, so badly. Only then can I accept & move on.

There was denial, anger, bargaining & now i’m stuck at depression.

if we

were in the right places, at the right time, with the right opportunities. We don’t need luck, we need coincidences.

I’m gonna stick to my main blog http://withdecay.tumblr.com

I will be back, but not for now.

“I love this place but it’s haunted without you.

My tired heart is feeling so slow.

My heart has seems this.

We wanted, we wanted.

When I think of,

You do not know. We do not know.”

The Hands Project. on haitus

It’s the only thing that I need;

My heart beats despite the ache because I bleach it after every break.

The birds fly alone tonight. They have given up.

The sky growns dark above their wings.

So take it away from me.

Broken we’ll be,

Aren’t you me. We forget how to breathe,

After every bleach.

Take that one thing that makes me be so it’ll

Stop it’s beat so I can breathe.

With the complication came comfort in my

Mind.

I know how i’ll never pick it up because

I’ve lost myself counting the cards that

Held my feelings.

But i’ll risk everything i’ve got

So that i’d get something I really want.

We are all drowning,

& hoping that our wishes save us.

As you kick hard

To surface again,

Thick hands pull you back down

Into the depth.

The struggle repeats itself.

You are hoping the surface becomes

More than momentary.

As you grow old,

There is little strength left to kick up,

Away from those thick hands.

Eventually you will submit &

Let them pull you down.

Like all, you will be burried under

Layers & layers of sand.

Only then can you be one with all.